Pizza Oh No!

Oh hells no.

This is an offense to anything cooked with care. If one can taste the love in food prepared with love, then this is surely tainted with the foul dripping hatred that embues all fast-and-nasty econo-fuel food.

Pizzacono. That is the name of this beastly food 'innovation', this unloved child born of a forced mating between pizza and an ice cream cone. It's pizza in a... cono. I only hope that its corporate caretakers realize the folly of their ways before this abomination gets released on the public.

Alright. I should clarify my ranting. I don't take issue with the shape of the thing. There's nothing intrinsically wrong with building a cone-shaped slice of pizza. Make a pizza shaped like Britney - I really don't care. Weird does not necessarily equate wrong...

I take issue with this because the problems we have with obesity and diet-related health issues are deeper than the simple issues of processed ingredients, preservatives or portion sizes. They have to do with our attitudes about what role food should play in our lives, and those attitudes have been corrupted. For most of human existence, (and for much of the 'developing' world today), food was an expensive and often scarce asset, and when we got our hands on it, we made damned sure to get the most nutritive value and pleasure out of it, taking attentive care to prepare each morsel with respect, in turn showing respect for those who would eat it.

Modern economies and food production systems have provided us with new alternatives, and the preciousness with which we regarded our food in the past is no longer a necessity for most of us. Food is cheap, plentiful, and as a result, mostly relegated to bothersome fueling sessions, conducted during other 'important' activities, like driving. The grab-and-go lifestyle is fast, it's convenient, and it allows us to get on with our busy schedules with minimal distraction. And it's killing us. Here's some of the crazed encouragement for this attitude being spouted by the Coneheads:

The Cones could be filled with almost any food or dessert, enabling consumer to eat a delicious, satisfying meal while talking on the phone, driving a car, or walking down the street. The Cones will reinvent the experience of eating on the go by enabling people to enjoy the food they love wherever they choose to.

Oh boy! I can enjoy the food I love while talking on the phone and driving a car on my way to the pharmacy to pick up my Orlistat refill! Think of all the time I'll save!

Slow the hell down. Cook something for dinner. You are not so busy that you absolutely need to scarf down convenience food for lunch. Make yourself a damned sandwich the night before, and make it with fresh tasty things you like to eat, so that lunch the next day is an enjoyable break.

Stop the car. Put down the pizzacono. And walk away, slowly.